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Pragmatic, reserved and a deep thinker who loves family, sports especially football where am married to two wives: the first, AC Milan who has my loyalty and the second wife, Manchester United who has all my undying love and pampering, lifestyle and society parties. Need I say the law is more than a profession but a lifestyle for me.

Adekanye Adeyinka Olajide.

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You are here: Home / , , LOVE IS NOT A FEELING!

LOVE IS NOT A FEELING!

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Love neither is a feeling nor is it an emotion. Love is actually an action; it is a commitment to a purpose – one that is bigger than anything else is, leaving no room for failure. Indeed, love is a resolve to value, to adore, to respect, and to cherish. Consequently, love is not some sensational expression of desires or some conjured exaggerated passion stemming from an impression. Love is much more than passion, which wanes. At best, love is an unearned steadfastness to giving than taking, to committing than expecting, to respecting than demanding, to forgiving than grudging, to adoring than dishonouring, to praising than condemning. In short, love is a vow to self to be unto others as one is to self. It is an unequivocal promise to sacrificing perfection for building through compassion.

Many of you just like me, used to think love is that feeling that swells in us provoking the most intense desire to satisfy, delight, and marvel the other person. For too long, I have thought loving someone deals with an inspired affection or adoration of another through a longing for that individual to possess and overwhelm them with so much care, support, appreciation, provision, and presence with such flounce never before seen by them but how wrong could I be? Now, I know that love is deeper than that. In fact, those traits are just the peripheral of what it entails.

It is because we equate our love to desire that we flounder at it. When we do this, all we do is an abysmal attempt at loving, which makes it so laborious. If you doubt my postulation, then let us both perform an exercise. Tell me how many people you have loved over time. Have you noticed that you will at least count three? Now tell me, why did you love different people? Did the love you felt for the individual just vanish? Well, the truth is what you called love were nothing but feelings devoid of zeal to stick to your vow to love.


Stay with me now and do not lose me! The truth is one can continually desire people as long as one lives because we are always going to be attracted to others. It is legitimate to find people appealing and captivating but once we extend those desires to wanting to share the attraction, our feelings take over completely, which is why we can have a plethora of partners. My point is this, it is okay to admire, to be enchanted by, and impressed with another but once it is based on desires, we are never going to be satisfied because like it or not, there will always be someone with better looks, compelling intelligence, stupendous wealth, endearing charisma, fascinating success than the one we desire at the moment.

Therefore, you see that love is not a feeling – that is just too lame and frankly debasing for such powerful word. Love is the guarantee to honour ones words, to cherish and treasure, to attach significance to another, and above all, to stay true to it. Love does not necessarily mean that there are no blemishes but that regardless of those flaws, you stay dedicated to benevolence; you adore the shortcomings and mirror yourself through the beloved by realising that even you are not perfect.


Trust me, I probably know that I am speaking to myself on this one and most will not buy into it, but from my experience, it is the gospel truth. In my quest for love, which I am still on its pilgrimage, as Shakespeare said, “I have been a fool to many and made myself a clown to the world” for even I cannot count the number of women I have wooed or remember their faces. However, I know for sure that I have never ever made the dedication to one to love sincerely and uphold that vow. Yes, I am not perfect but I wish I knew what I am writing to you today then. The good news regardless, is that it is never too late so whatever you are doing, be honest. Is it just your feeling or love? When it is love, are you willing to remain firm in your promise?

With fondness,
ADEKANYE ADEYINKA .O.