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Pragmatic, reserved and a deep thinker who loves family, sports especially football where am married to two wives: the first, AC Milan who has my loyalty and the second wife, Manchester United who has all my undying love and pampering, lifestyle and society parties. Need I say the law is more than a profession but a lifestyle for me.

Adekanye Adeyinka Olajide.

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You are here: Home / , , SEXUAL ABUSE.

SEXUAL ABUSE.

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Sexual abuse, a sensitive issue, is one thing people hate to talk about because of the delicate nature of the matter, stigmatisation, and the refusal to accept that it is a menace deeply rooted in our society. Many victims, mostly females, are too ashamed to discuss it publicly and identify the perpetrator of such horrifying and cruel act. The reasons for this are quite extensive but I will be attempting to illuminate on them as you read on.

Sexual abuses, mostly committed by people who are close to the victim, come in various forms. It usually starts with the offender nursing sexual carnal knowledge of the victim, subsequently leading to the actual molestation. It is not called abuse for no reason. It is so because the intercourse takes place forcefully by an imposing man over an unwilling, non-consenting victim. The assailant is always successful in fulfilling his lust because the other party is weaker, afraid after threat, or in fact, naïve. Let us not forget also that most offenders threaten victims not to report else face their wrath.

It is ruinous to know that victims are mostly children. Although, any form of molestation is disparaging; but abuses against children who are innocent, pure, simple, and undiscerning is reprehensible and those who carry out this damning acts are nothing but monsters. The defilement of an adult without consent is preposterous but molesting a child for selfish sexual malevolent gains, is nefarious and unheard of, which must be reprimanded in unambiguous terms.

Research has shown that most victims suffer abuse from their homes through direct family members like their father, brother, uncle as in the case of the renowned Oprah Winfrey. These perpetrators indulge their girls in various outrageous sexual fantasies and because of the closeness of the relationship and threats; the victim is too scared to voice out her ordeal. Research reveals that 1 out of 6 girls are abused and 75% never tell. They forever live in fear, hurt, having no one to turn to.

In other cases, their guardians, friends, or caretakers of the victims sexually maltreat victims. The offenders’ device different strategies to isolate the victims so that they can be alone with them, giving them ample time to carryout their intentions and subsequently, keep the victim in perpetual fear. It is clear that most abuses take place after trusted people, who we are comfortable with, take advantage of us and abuse that trust.

I cannot overemphasise the brutal pains and brokenness these victims go through. Apart from obvious tears, bruises, swelling around affected areas, risk of infection because perpetrators never have time for protection, diseases that can damage lives, there is also the psychological trauma victims have to endure, which could last a lifetime! Many who are bold enough to come out to own up to suffering from abuses, also face the societal problem of stigmatisation and accusation?

It is pertinent to note that mere words could constitute abuse. Telling a child obscene words or stimulating their genitals, which are not developed is not only provocative but also, an outlandish behaviour! A child is nothing other than a child. Similarly, saying to an adult that you want to show her how her man is supposed to treat her right in bed when you do not even know her or her man, is tantamount to an abuse.

Therefore, I think it is important for us to look out for signs that can give up the fact that a child is suffering from an abuse. Though I will be mentioning practical instances, note that they are not professional.

Signs to suspect children are suffering from sexual molestation.

1.     The child will withdraw from people

2.    The child will be afraid to be alone

3.    The child will cry anytime he or she knows he or she will be left alone with the offender.

4.    Where the child is a male, his genitals may erect at times, other than when he wakes up. You will notice he reacts when you bathe him.

5.    Children have a way of calling our attention to tings so they will tell us in their own way.

6.    The child will become conscious of himself or herself.

7.    Where you are very vigilant, the child will have bruises or pains on the private area. If she is a girl, she will cry while she pees. 

Taking steps to prevent sexual molestation of children.

1.     Never leave your children alone with anyone: family or strangers

2.    Monitor your children under close supervision.

3.    Once your children start to talk and understand, educate them by telling them the names of their genitals. Do not nickname them!

4.    Encourage them that no one should touch or help them wash their genitals and do so by leading by example.

5.    Do not let your children seat on the lapse of adults.

6.    Ask them questions about their friends, teachers, school, and if there was any strange encounter, discover who the person was.

7.    Know their friends and their parents.

8.    Tell your daughters they should never show their pant to anyone nor allow anyone to raise their blouse. Teach them how to sit properly.

9.    Be your children’s friend. Let them know you will protect and defend them. Encourage them to report everything to you. 

As I stand against repression, oppression, and abuse of women, girls of any form, I hope my few tips have been useful. Take a stand and expose the monsters who take advantage of the beings that are fragile, but only physically. 

God bless you,

ADEKANYE ADEYINKA .O.