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Pragmatic, reserved and a deep thinker who loves family, sports especially football where am married to two wives: the first, AC Milan who has my loyalty and the second wife, Manchester United who has all my undying love and pampering, lifestyle and society parties. Need I say the law is more than a profession but a lifestyle for me.

Adekanye Adeyinka Olajide.

I do it for me

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You are here: Home / PURSUIT OF MARRIAGE.

PURSUIT OF MARRIAGE.

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As I write, I am a man neither betrothed, engaged, nor in agreement either verbally or written to marry anyone. However, I must say that on my priority list, marriage takes pole position. Hence, you can call me the man with an agenda and on a mission to marry ASAP but with no candidate. You find it funny right. Let me amuse you a little more by reiterating that in my mind, I think like a married man already. I guess this is because my teenage dream was to have been married at the age of 24. Well, thanks to Nigeria, that idea is still very much in the pipeline, as it has become more of the quest of marriage.
 

To be frank with you because I am a pragmatic person, in this pursuit, I have discovered more as time dragged on that I am ready only in my mind to be a husband. However, in reality, I am unprepared, unequipped, and with a lot more to learn than I thought I have. Do not get me wrong; my plan is not to marry as the finished product. I really do want to marry with all my shortcomings and incompetence so that my spouse can compliment and build me up. However, mentally, I find my self lacking in terms of adaptability to becoming one with someone of another background, orientation and with ingrained ideologies as well as accommodate all their flaws gracefully.
 

The fault is not entirely mine though, for I am a man not persuaded to having a huge ceremony called wedding. I will rather just take my woman to church in the company of a few family members and then, registry thereafter goes for honeymoon. However, our Nigerian women love to dance and most save their best dance for their wedding day in the public so depriving any woman of that privilege, considered a monstrous cruelty here in Nigeria. My inability to persuade anyone to agree with me, impedes any opportunity.
 

I know that there are no excuses when it comes to marrying especially when you have the right partner. Regardless, I do not have the buoyancy to carter for a family right now considering the rate women buy aso-ebi these days, the high cost of baby maintenance, healthcare, and educational fees at skyrocketing rates. Furthermore, I believe I have not fully evolved into coping with the tantrums and emotional demands of women as I can categorically tell you that I am a child myself; who needs attention, love, support, and guidance.
 

I am still not sure how I will cope when we start having children and my wife abandons me entirely or transfers all her affection to our children as women usually do. I also do not know how my wife will react when I let her down as I sometimes will because I fear for my fragile heart bearing in mind that women say only our mothers can love us unconditionally consequently, ditching us when we go wrong is scary.
 

Thankfully though, in this pursuit of marriage, I have learnt, heard, seen many things. For example, I have been told by majority that only money makes marriages work – a view I am not in alignment with. I lend credence from our ancestors who kept their home in order despite having a plethora of wives and children whom they took care of from subsistent farming with no form of luxury yet earned the loyalty and commitment of their wives who co-existed peacefully.
 

Actually, when I saw an old friend recently with his girlfriend of many years, which prompted me to asking why he has remained unmarried. He explained to me that he was waiting until he had 10 million in cash. Although I hoped he was joking, his idea nonetheless correlates with that of many young Nigerians who will not marry unless they amass all the money in the world. This idea has me concerned, as I cannot match it with that of youths in more advanced countries who marry as early as age 18. It was in my worrying that I shared the issue with a female acquaintance who validly dispelled my worries by pointing out that it is the duty of everyman to find a wife thereby finding a good thing stressing it is a duty with promise to back it up stating once we did, we would obtain favour from God. Huge relief are the promises of God. I must tell you because he keeps to his promises and covenants.
 

It is no longer a hidden fact that something is critically wrong either with us as a people or the perceived ethos of marriages ostensibly, following how marriages crash like pack of cards, needing no deck and backers to tear it down. With high rates of divorce recorded and break away or separations documented after months into marriages together with the frequency at which we now have churches match make, pastors or other individuals organising events to bring people together for purposes of courtship.
 

Only some days back, a friend had expressed her anxiety and fright for the institution of marriage. After probing on what had warranted such dread, she expressed in unreserved manner her sadness at how people give up on each other without difficulty. According to her, the much elaborate wedding celebration of her friend had just collapsed irreparably in less than six months. She wondered why they had married in such an extravagant display of affection at the wedding party only to give up on each other as if they had no form of attachment.
 

Pondering on these, as well as the trend of failed relationships, and how everyone is worried more about the self and unwilling to love in its totality and trust, I am thinking are people too materialistic. What is the problem that a project, which is supposed to last a lifetime after the exchange of vows, has become a temporary mission?


ADEKANYE ADEYINKA .O.