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Pragmatic, reserved and a deep thinker who loves family, sports especially football where am married to two wives: the first, AC Milan who has my loyalty and the second wife, Manchester United who has all my undying love and pampering, lifestyle and society parties. Need I say the law is more than a profession but a lifestyle for me.

Adekanye Adeyinka Olajide.

I do it for me

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You are here: Home / MARRIAGE OBLIGATIONS.

MARRIAGE OBLIGATIONS.

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Thankfully, my pursuit of marriage has revealed to me the primary causes of failed marriages while highlighting my marriage obligations, which I want to share with you today.
 

One noticeable reason is people marrying for all the improper reasons. No one seems to marry for love anymore. Their reasons are either for financial, societal, or economical gains. Some even marry to earn respect and have their status change. Marriage is now a means to an end as majority go into nuptial agreements exclusively for selfish benefits as attaining dual citizenship, inheritance, and sponsorship for businesses. Consequently, when the partner fails to fulfil their duty to provide for these needs, there is a strain in marriage making it difficult for the continuity of such marriage.
 

In the same vein, people refuse to or marry based on beauty, elegance, physical attributes, stature, and physique. This is a foremost ground for why many remain single and cry in secret after realising they threw away chances to be with someone who truly loved them. It gets worse when people cannot stay in love anymore after their partner has lost that beauty, which sparks attraction in them or when age catches up with their alluring body leaving it with wrinkles. In extremely terrible circumstances, where a partner loses limbs after an accident, the love disappears and living together happily becomes untenable.
 

In addition, some people marry in hope of having their expectation fulfilled in others. This is a more chronic reason that a failure of achieving it leads to acrimony, anger, and deep-seated hatred causing rash reactions and a complete lack of tolerance of any oversight of the partner. The problem here is once the other person does not meet these expectations, aspirations, or desires; it leads to depression. One will not be wrong to insinuate that indeed it was not the person we loved truly but the potentials of that person. Therefore, once these conceivable ideas not met, falling out of love becomes the easiest probable way out.
 

Let me quickly point out however that there are times when we marry for all the right reasons and our partner appeared as the perfect matches made from heaven before marriage, only to subsequently have things go wrong as soon as the union is sealed. In these cases, I believe the problem is always because of our failure to accept that people change and our steadfastness to remaining dedicated to the cause of loving irrespective of the metamorphosis. The truth is on becoming one, the true nature of each individual sprouts like fresh leaves during spring. It becomes more imperative to keep falling in love wholly with our partners at this crunch time.
 

It is for these reasons that I have come to the realistic conclusions that one must have clear marriage obligations before going into it and even during it. Although my friend was telling me the other day that to have a successful marriage, one must possess enviable negotiating skills. Since he did not enunciate further on this, I will not attempt to delve into it. However, I imagine one must be able to compromise, shift grounds, and yield rights happily for purposes of love. From my tangible understanding, I believe marriage is no battleground hence there is no victor or vanquish; there are only beneficiaries from decisions. If we adopt this, we will not just make marriages work but our relationships will be the better for it as it will be paramount in our hearts that the people we deal with are more important than the matters we hold on to tenaciously.
 

For me accordingly, my obligation in marriage is friendship. It is in my prerogative to honour and to preserve the love we share for each other. To place the one I love above every other thing. Revealing and constantly sharing my woes and my victories. To cherish the togetherness and the joy of sharing a laugh over every issue while constantly putting at the back of my mind that I do not just owe a duty of care but also that of respecting opinions and ideas. To build friendship means to do all to bridge the gap between partners on areas of loopholes and not being afraid to let them in to our weaknesses and fears. No secrets kept from each other are an essential ingredient over the relationship. As friends, we must never be quick to fuel every discord or to let it burn at every opportunity.
 

The role of communication cannot be over emphasised between two individuals. Communication is the only way to letting others in to our thoughts, as it is wrong to assume or presume that the other will know what is in our head for no man can read the mind of another. Therefore, we must not shy away from relating on every issue no matter how minute or insignificant we might conclude it to be. At every point in time, both parties must be at an agreement after reaching a consensus over such matters.
 

It is quintessential to respect each other for marriage or any relationship to thrive. In essence, it is not out of place to adore, regard, and appreciate each other. In truth, there is only one duty in marriage, which is to love incurably and this must be above ones rights and ego. Respect is to understand roles and equally doing everything not to undermine or frustrate the individual entrusted with such roles. Respect must reflect in all that we do with total admiration and submission to fair rulings without contempt of any sort. Love reigns supreme when we understand roles and carry them out diligently. For instance, it is the duty of the man to protect, provide, and lead his woman while realising that his support cast is equally critical to the success of the home by being the helpmate, the backbone, and homebuilder.
 

Above all, I believe like everything in life, Christ who is the solid rock is the foundation upon which all marriages built. After all, except God builds the house, those that build labour in vain. A home centred on God will flourish in love, understanding, and peace. It will survive against all odds as well as defy sense, making it the envy of all and a role model marriage.


ADEKANYE ADEYINKA .O.