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Pragmatic, reserved and a deep thinker who loves family, sports especially football where am married to two wives: the first, AC Milan who has my loyalty and the second wife, Manchester United who has all my undying love and pampering, lifestyle and society parties. Need I say the law is more than a profession but a lifestyle for me.

Adekanye Adeyinka Olajide.

I do it for me

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You are here: Home / FENCES.

FENCES.

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Everyone these days has an identical story in a similar pattern – everyone is scared of going into another relationship because of the hurt experienced either recently or in the past. It is no doubt therefore that trust is lacking in dealing with one another. This trend has brought me to thinking if there are no good men or women anymore, or those in relationships, if they are dealing with each other with utmost precaution and care. I know for sure that there are excellent men and women abound with enviable qualities, charming personality, and remarkably principled individuals. I also know too well that one should never judge others based on involvement of the pasts as our experiences are only to serve as a compelling knowledge of our dealings with others.
 

I have however realised that all of my knowledge and understanding about these things count for nothing when I am dealing with people who have an indignant heart from what I must confess are horrifying experiences. There is no doubt that some people just set out to have a game rather than fondle with our hearts and move on after draining all the blood from it leaving it stone cold for the next person, if you know what I mean. Haven written specifically on moving on from a broken relationship, I do not intend to delve into that right now. The purport of this is to motivate from desisting from clinging to the consequences of hurting and carrying it on like a luggage, which subsequently becomes a menace in our lives transmitting to that of prospective suitors.
 

Let us admit that hurting is a two-way thing and I will be as frank as I am always. It is so because we are as guilty as those who shatter our hearts into unmatchable pieces. I reckon a whole lot of you will be inflamed at my perceived insensitiveness to a matter this touching. Well, before you give me up in exchange for Barnabas, view my side of the coin. What I meant by that is firstly, we are guilty for letting the wrong people into our lives mainly because we blind our eyes too the inherent pointers that they are not taking us seriously or let go of those pointers because of our dereliction or disillusions on sentimental desires and fantasies. I know that we are not God that sees through hearts, but we still can identify basic mismatch if only we discern.
 


Similarly, we fail to treat each new person differently with a clean slate burning the memories of the past and focusing entirely on the new project as we do with the new day – taking each day in its strides as it evolves. Forgetting the disappointment of yesterday and looking forward to breathe of life, to live again, and give it a renewed shot with vigour is pertinent! Our refusal to accept that one cannot turn the hands of time literally has been our own undoing. If only we admitted this, we would know that bringing the past into our present is too much of a drama that exposes our insecurities and lack of belief in God, which scares off potential heart healers.
 

I have argued passionately with many people that I have met who badge this philosophy, questioning their reason to transferring a previous experience to another person when they are not knowledgeable about what the future holds. I have argued that truly, there is nothing new under the sun, but similarly there is no replica of one person, which essentially means that every individual is unique regardless of sex, religion, gender, and beliefs. Therefore, it is profoundly wrong to judge any one person based on these aforementioned similarities.
 

For me, we cry so that someone can comfort us; we scream so that someone can run to our aid and make us believe again. What then is the point when we make people walk through fire for us yet we condemn them for coming to our rescue because the last person who did same thing stabbed us in the back? If we are too weak to let others lift us up, then we just get to walk alone or keep falling for the same type even when they disguise.
 

One more thing I have asked those who build fences around their lives is if their guards alone are sufficient to prevent them from hurting again is this: do we because life throws at us things that fall us down stop living altogether or we just get right back up and push on? Do we because of the hurt we surfer from or the heart break we go through fill our heart with animosity snapping love out of us and causing us to lose our humanity? I really cannot balance this idea in my head where we build fences rather than bridges. In fact, some people are so good at it that they mould every type of brick for their fences to withstand any form of intrusion. Their resistance is such that as you tear down the walls, which they have built, they earnestly build a China wall in no time.
 


I really do hope that as individuals we can realise that in dealing with people, comparison is the bane of building strong ties. Our insecurity, which we exhibit, is the blight we use in tearing down the trust we could have built in others. I understand without a glitch that these fences are our form of veil and protection from entrapment with the wrong people, which is being provident. We should however give the benefit of doubt to those who put in efforts to tear down those walls painstakingly, climbing into our hearts rather than shoot them down.


ADEKANYE ADEYINKA .O.