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Pragmatic, reserved and a deep thinker who loves family, sports especially football where am married to two wives: the first, AC Milan who has my loyalty and the second wife, Manchester United who has all my undying love and pampering, lifestyle and society parties. Need I say the law is more than a profession but a lifestyle for me.

Adekanye Adeyinka Olajide.

I do it for me

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You are here: Home / HOW MUCH OF YOUR BUSINESS IS YOUR BUSINESS?

HOW MUCH OF YOUR BUSINESS IS YOUR BUSINESS?

| 4 Comments
Being single is a different ball game all together. This time gives the single fellas the advantage to be independent, free and roam without any form of attachment. At this stage of the single life, all risks taken, decisions made, and challenges faced together with its consequences are solely the individual’s liabilities. There are no extra baggages so to say of any emotional or moral obligation to another person so this gives the leeway to embark on more daunting tasks and involve in more risks.

The question however is what happens once entangled, especially in the matters of love with another? How much of our business truly is our business and what we are supposed to hide if there is anything at all from our partner. We frequently hear from people when they share their wisdom that there should be no secrets between couples and they should lay it all bare like a transparent material and see through each other like a crystal ball. However, we often forget that these are two individuals of different tributaries and experiences, which have documented their lives like an encyclopaedia so baring it all sometimes is near impossible not forgetting that the heart of many is more like the well – dark, deep and unfathomable.

 For many, when it comes to finance issues, they become impenetrable and as controversial as the Stella Oduah bulletproof vehicles. Once you try to find out how much they earn, or enquire into how they spend their money and on what, they quickly switch on their defensive formation and park the bus and any attempts to penetrate the walls become futile. Some cannot even tell their spouses how much they earn. Others are in fact so reckless spending their income that they embark on huge projects with all their resources without informing their partners, which when it ricochets sinks completely the family ship.

It is common to find couples who do not discuss any detail on how they spend their monies hence, have no need to plan together. For instance, a man would just drive into an electronic shop to invest mammoth sums on the latest television set without prior notice to his wife. While women, will stack up jewelleries and bags without finding a need to discuss with their spouses. One wonders when a sudden family need crops up such as an ailing partner needing urgent medical attention.

Similarly most conventional habit among individuals is keeping away from their partner their past. Many who have been victims of rape and various abuses find it impracticable to share such horrific tales, which they leave in the closet. They consider that it is very improbable for any man to stick around after hearing such poignant details. We hear of women who have heard their wombs evacuated after suffering from fatal abortion accidents keep such critical detail from their partner yet commit enthusiastically to the joint course of finding solutions when all that is required is a sincere confession.

Another that is common is keeping away health issues from partners all for selfish reasons. People go around suffering from terminal infections and diseases, yet commit to lifelong matters due to their selfish motives having no real regard for the consequences of their decision by not informing their partner or considering how it will affect the bonded party. Health matters no matter how minute are very palpable and every detail discussed and evaluated by both concerned parties.

Furthermore, a foremost cause of dispute among partners is picking of calls. For me I truly think this might be a sign of insecurity and lack of trust in the partner and I am a major antagonist of this. However, most times, partners who exhibit this insecurity have been given genuine reasons to intrude; as their partners have consistently developed an acute reason to protect their phones or spend more times on their phone even when with their partner, which by the way is not only disrespectful but antisocial. In such situation, a loving partner becomes more interested in what is taking your attention and why you are jealously guarding your phone like a security guard.

Am sure a few of us would have either met or heard stories of people who have been married to partners who operate in the underworld; I mean those who engage in illicit activities. What is startling most is how they manage to keep this germane detail under wraps from the prying instinct of their partners. I understand that they create a backup personality, which is the fa├žade upon which their identity built. It is astonishing though how they keep it from their partners who they live with.

As much as every individual is entitled to his/her privacy, which serves as their breathing space preventing any choke from the concern and interest of others. We must acknowledge that there is a cogent need to respect the freedom of others no matter how bonded we are. There comes a time when even though we enjoy and cannot do without the presence and affection others show to us, we all need a little space to come above the waters and breathe. We must concede that some of our businesses are that of our partners, and if we do not want them to be privy to that information, we better severe ties and become single.

Such businesses as the friends we keep because some friends can cause us to derail and be a negative influence leaving ripple effects on our relationship, how we spend money that should go to family coffers as this might end of affecting the provision of important family needs. Places we visit as it affects our lives in terms of security if we do not ensure they are safe places, and needs that we meet that conflicts with that of common need is the business of our partner.

It follows therefore that we must perfectly understand that although the past hurts a lot and the burden of the pain is sometimes to huge to bear for our partners. However, am of the opinion that a secret always either hunts us in out happiest moment through blackmail or stings like that of a scorpion, which can steal our joy away forever. It just might be more equitable to tell and share than keep because it reveals the true test of love from who truly needs us.

ADEKANYE ADEYINKA OLAJIDE.