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Pragmatic, reserved and a deep thinker who loves family, sports especially football where am married to two wives: the first, AC Milan who has my loyalty and the second wife, Manchester United who has all my undying love and pampering, lifestyle and society parties. Need I say the law is more than a profession but a lifestyle for me.

Adekanye Adeyinka Olajide.

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You are here: Home / DEMYSTIFICATION OF LOVE.

DEMYSTIFICATION OF LOVE.

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I have not been the type to joke with relationships. Hence, I have not had the luxury of plunging into many; not because I find it difficult to come out of or to find another when it fails, but because I have the most fragile of hearts and I do not like it battered. At least that way, I can keep it from perishing with so much hate and ensure that the only thing that nourishes it is love. Not that am afraid of it hurting either, but I want it to heal quickly without scars.

Consequently, when my last relationship crashed, I was shocked because that was the only one; I gave most of me into. Immediately it collapsed, I picked myself up right away without any form of regret mainly because I have been blessed with the ability to shield my heart from breaking regardless of the hurt hence the balm is never needful in my case. However, I made up my mind that my next will be my last and I was never going to have a failed relationship anymore. This prompted me to ponder on how to avoid a reoccurrence.

I decided to talk to my bosom friend Adebowale Asiru, who after having a successful relationship married his heartthrob. I wanted to know the tips he stuck to that helped him in achieving the ultimate desire. In addition, I was sure I could trust him to be candid as well as objective in pointing out my shortcomings. Let me share some of the tips he laid down to me with you.

Here are the tips he handed down:
·        Learn to overlook.
·        Learn to tolerate, it cannot always be your ways.
·        If you want to complain about an issue, make sure the other party is in a good mood then just mention it and let it die there and then. For to stress it to much, is to make her feel not good enough.
·        Do not complain all the time.
·        If she does something wrong, try to accommodate it and you would know the right time to let your grievances known. On the other hand, you can replicate what she did to you and when she complains about it, you can then refer to when she did the same thing, which you did not complain about and make her know how it feels.
·        Always let your partners talk and do not bombard them with questions else, they will not be able to open up to you..

Similarly, I was lucky that just at the same time I was finding answers to the pitfalls, my childhood friend who also has a family now happened to step in and Kayode Oyedeji sure had his own pointers that were equally valuable.

He said these as well after pointing out that as men, we have ‘wahala’ as women too emphasising that jealousy is number one. Hence:
·        You have to know what kind of man she wants.
·        How she wants to behave
·        You have to know when you have to be strict.
·        You have to know when to talk and when to keep quiet.
·        You have to know when to get on your knees.
·        Do not please her all the time but throw in moves that will knock her out.

Finally, I had a tête-à-tête with Goke Adewumi; another childhood friend who though is single is highly proficient in relationship issues. He elaborated more on certain issues, which I find thought provoking and he hammered on many things overlooked by anxious prospective lovers. He was particular more about the foundation that precedes any relationship. I must confess I got irritated at his style of asking questions but then, it was worth it as I was able to get his sound advice because he not only touched the roots but proffered detailed help.

He highlighted certain basics and he was more professional with his views. Here are some:
·        Firstly, you must know five things you want in your partner.
·        You must know five values that are core to you because importantly, you need to have similar values.
·        You must know the things you want out of the relationship.
·        You must know your temperament or personality, which are four basic types: Melancholy, Sanguine, Choleric, and Phlegmatic.
·        Both of you must be willing to compromise along the way but ultimately, it will not be difficult if you both genuinely love and care about each other. You can achieve this by saying exactly what bothers you.
·        You have to be open to each other even though each one of you deserves space.

Furthermore, he advised it was pertinent to be familiar with the love languages, which are five because they help. They are as follows:
·        Act of service: people will generally only feel loved or show love by what they do. They run errands, clean, cook, etcetera etcetera. They just do anything to make you feel special.
·        Word of affirmation: done by repeatedly telling them how much you love them. They want to hear you verbalise your love.
·        Physical touch: this is the show of your amorous and sensual feelings by practical expression.
·        Gifts: showing by the gifts you give them.
·        Quality time: do what you like, tell them you love them, buy gifts for them, anything at all, if you do not spend time with them, you do not ‘love’ them.

I sure hope you pick a thing or two from this and apply it to keeping your relationship. There is no doubting that they have been precious tips guiding me in my general relationships and giving me a stronger doggedness to loving effortlessly and correcting my faults rather than pointing out that of others.

ADEKANYE ADEYINKA OLAJIDE.