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Pragmatic, reserved and a deep thinker who loves family, sports especially football where am married to two wives: the first, AC Milan who has my loyalty and the second wife, Manchester United who has all my undying love and pampering, lifestyle and society parties. Need I say the law is more than a profession but a lifestyle for me.

Adekanye Adeyinka Olajide.

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You are here: Home / HAPPILY EVER AFTER PART 2

HAPPILY EVER AFTER PART 2

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Still on the subject of the ‘happily ever after’ chase by couples and why does this all disappear into thin air, fading like it was only a dream had in daylight in the horrendous sun of western Sahara. I mean am so perturbed on why seemingly happy, enchanted, beautiful, and captivating lovers who have an astounding love affair blossoming with a keen exultance attached to them, as lovers suddenly become spiteful, casting aspersions, castigating each other with such condescension.

Is the pursuit of a 'happily ever after’ a vague, unattainable desire or the human race is confused specie always creating and going after unviable delusions, which we are often disillusioned by? In matters of love, which is so intricate as it deals with feelings and emotions springing from the heart involving people of different temperaments coming together to defy all odds, and find joy in each other, it could not be more daunting.

However, I do not think love or loving is the problem. Rather, the challenge we have is our ideas and reasons for loving. Many of us are more in love with the thoughts of loving than the person we love. Most times, we love the potentials of an individual rather than the person. Loving for us has become our ability to change rather than accept our lover. All we crave for is to hear and not listen, to possess, and not share. In fact, some go into marriage just for adventure rather than forging a union, to escape a turbulent home. These are a few reasons as to why many times, when we fall off the chariots of our hazy thoughts, and forced to snap out of our hallucinations, we want out.

Nobody these days seem to be interested in sticking around and taking all the mess, fallibilities, frailties, and shortcomings of any lover. It is almost impossible to love despite flaws inherent in each human. Loving effortlessly or without venal interests is unfeasible. Everyone wants what he or she can get and literally give nothing back. We fight for feminist theories and liberation of women while men are too egocentric to shift ground. We want a fairy tale life after marriage but cannot stand the thorns from the toils. It is in our habit to go for transient attributes such as the beauty, charm, shape, skills and the likes forgetting that they diminish just like flowers. We look into the heart rather than see the soul.

I have come to know that every woman is beautiful. Either through her smile, hair, eyes, nose, or whatever thing one is disposed to admiring. Hence, one must find what gives you peace and stick to it knowing that beyond the beauty attached, are clumsiness, anger, impatience, and all kinds of weaknesses and realise that it is all of these things that makes the complete package. Therefore, the idea of changing a person is a myth to be dispelled; it is impossible to think that a person’s imperfection will just disappear. We would only find happiness if we are at harmony with ourselves and find beauty in the blemishes of others.

For me the key to having a ‘happily ever after’ life is to love our partner like ourselves. Take for example when we fart, we do not hate ourselves for it; in fact, some even relish the smell no matter how bad. So why can we not enjoy the fart of our partner without thinking they are dirty? I mean if you do not accept them for who they are, what happens when your partner suddenly goes through a phrase that transcends your wildest imaginations or mutate into something they never were. Worse still, what happens if love fails or you suddenly have contrasting beliefs?

In my compos mentis, am most certain that when love fails as it definitely will from strains, then forgiveness will take us through. We have to support each other, be there, and stand by each other even when it is silly to do so. See your partner through the eyes of love rather than through faults, compromise on things that do not matter, be happy and at peace with one another. Avoid unnecessary squabbles, do not give room for interference of any sort even by parents, be in love daily, have tons of sex. Above all, know that you are a work in progress, give room for individual differences, and stay true to your vows.

I will like to think that there is a potential ‘happily ever after’ home in everyone. It depends on how we face the storms; we can either sink or float.

ADEKANYE ADEYINKA .O.