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Pragmatic, reserved and a deep thinker who loves family, sports especially football where am married to two wives: the first, AC Milan who has my loyalty and the second wife, Manchester United who has all my undying love and pampering, lifestyle and society parties. Need I say the law is more than a profession but a lifestyle for me.

Adekanye Adeyinka Olajide.

I do it for me

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You are here: Home / DIVORCE....ITS ORIGIN



Yes cheating in relationships especially marriages is a recurring issue, which has been the root of divorce among couples even those in courtship. We wonder what the problem is, what has pushed a partner into cheating, breaking their promises or vows for those who have taken the leap of marriage. Why have they suddenly become busy, fail to pick or return our calls, and stop caring altogether? I mean it is easier if it were still in the baby stage when you are only just dating; if things go wrong, you can jump ship and just date someone else. However, what happens when you have taken the vows and all of a sudden, a partner starts to cheat?

Many have become so entrenched in cheating that they have no shame. Married individuals cheat with other married persons. This is worrying because if we actually cheat for reasons appalling enough, must we cheat with another married individual. This leads us to think that this phenomenal is more than just a habit. A friend of mine asked me why married men cheat with married women and my immediate response was, ‘that it cannot get complicated.’

I could not stop brooding over this question. I knew that my answer was shallow; it sure goes beyond complications. Knowing that she had asked this question after she read the happily ever after article where I had expounded the immense value of sex in marriages. She said to me what if you satisfy your man in all ways but he cheats on you still? I said to myself that is like taking ones lumps. The article seemed to have had a ripple effect as another very close friend of mine who happens to be married as well contacted me to expressing her disagreement on my statement that ‘most women love sex.’ The following conversation ensued between us and in the course of it, it was clear women are the main contributors to men cheating especially in marriage.

She said ‘it is the men who have high sexual drives and the women are just doing it out of obligation (especially those that have kids) men do not understand what giving birth does to the woman below.’

I then told her that is why married couples cheat. It is that easy; if you admit men have a strong libido and then you start to starve them, they will cheat because once we sense something is done out of obligation, it loses the passion and we get tired.

She explained further, ‘for me, it is okay just chatting with my hubby for hours. Most times, I have to tune myself on for sex even when I do not feel like it. You see, when we were dating our sex was on point, now it has not changed, but I have changed. The problem is not with the men but the women – which is no fault of ours. The problem is after marriage, it takes us time to get in the mood for sex as our minds are divided into other parts like the children, laundry, house cleaning, dinner, etc.’

I was enjoying the tutoring by my incredibly honest friend as she was literally helping me with the answers I have been finding.

She went on, ‘Yinks you see men do not have the patience to drive the lady there slowly. Once they are hard, they just want to pour it out. Yes, this is the reason why married men cheat because their wives starve them and really stop paying attention to their needs as the children now need most of the attention… my hubby tells me it is lack of sex that makes men cheat, as there are many temptations out there and it is only God that can help. For me when issues about sex come up, my husband and I talk about it. Most of the time, he helps in offering solutions e.g. exercises, pampering, negotiation (yes o because you will be wondering why). He would negotiate by saying “I would buy you a washing machine to reduce the laundry stress so we could get down” (because most times, am tired after laundry), or he offers to make food, which is rarely, he takes me out, etc. Trust me, it always works because even when am not in the mood, I quickly tune in. He would not go through all those stress just to put me in the mood, and I end up telling stories.’

I was confused on the issue of placing children above the husband and more in defence of the men and a feeling of jealousy brewing in me, I asked ‘who is then more important, the men or the children?’ After all, without us they would not come into existence.

She was very pragmatic with her response. ‘the children come first not the hubby; they need to be supervised for at this stage, they barely know anything and could hurt themselves easily, which would leave me going through most of the stress as my hubby will only pay the bills while I get to pass the night/weeks on cramped hospital bed.’

This left me stunned and I just said it is impossible to spread the legs for one grown man when there are more pressing demands.

As if she could read that I was downcast with all these and the idea of marriage, she said ‘Buhahahahahahahahaha, the legs most always spread ooooo because it is a wise woman that builds her home. So even when everything is crumbling on you, if you are lucky you talk your way out or tenderly satisfy him.. Thank God for monthly periods, as this is an automatic rest time for us as men do not have a choice (but some barbaric men still delve into the smelling bloody hole not minding).’

I will just like to add that this applies for men too not forgetting that cheating is second nature to some. Do not come home late and use tiredness as an excuse to starve your woman. Play your role and whenever she comes to you, do not turn her down so you can get back at her for those times she rejected your advances. Understand that women have a lot going on in their heads while we preoccupy ours with making money to make our family comfortable and sex alone. Otherwise, you will be inviting trouble just like the one suffered by Odartey Lamptey, the Ghanaian footballer who spent his entire marriage life without knowing three children he has been fathering are not his real children.