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Pragmatic, reserved and a deep thinker who loves family, sports especially football where am married to two wives: the first, AC Milan who has my loyalty and the second wife, Manchester United who has all my undying love and pampering, lifestyle and society parties. Need I say the law is more than a profession but a lifestyle for me.

Adekanye Adeyinka Olajide.

I do it for me

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*      A relationship should always have a positive impact on us by essentially making us better. If all your relationship does is to make you feel less of yourself by being a subject of constant abuse and are blatantly unappreciated, then you should jump ship.

*      When you are in a relationship where the two of you are always at each other’s throat as fish bones, on issues that affect you, then you are in the wrong relationship. It is a sign that there is a huge personality clash. Neither of you is willing to put on ice your swards with both wanting to both have your ways. There can be no two captains in a ship; one must lead by interchangeably sharing control-giving room for sense of belonging. You can never quench fire with fire.

*      If you always argue about the same thing, then you are in the wrong relationship. It is aboveboard to argue in relationships; as a matter of fact, it hearths mutual understanding as you both begin to appreciate each other’s discontentment at issues and then begin to avoid them. However, when you argue about the same thing, war of words effectively strains the relationship. Arguing over the same thing is a sign of discordance as it is a pointer sowing lack of will to accept each other’s flaws.

*       When the soul of your relationship is on meeting a particular need, then such relationship is doomed to crash ab initio. Needs are a major prerequisite in any relationship; be it financial, sexual, spiritual or whatsoever your disposition is and should be met. Nevertheless, when you are in a relationship to singularly have specific needs met by the other, that is no longer a relationship but an attempt to go into a solely beneficially contract.

*      Your partner must reciprocate your show of love and care. If not, then you are with a partner who does not desire you. Note however that what you get in return might not be commensurate with what you give but you should feel cherished. In the end, loving lies in not expecting love in return. If you are the only one investing your time, energy, and effort with no form of return, then your partner does not want you.

*      Love always finds a way and never seeks comfort in hiding under excuses. Accordingly, if your partner always offers excuses such as “busy,” “tired,” or “too broke to see or call you,” dear you need to find a love that matches yours. The truth is even the world is a busy planet but still finds time to perform all his duties. So why can we not find time for the things that are of paramount interest to us? every excuse to stand us up except for unforeseen circumstances, to abandon us when we need their company most, not to give us their time or to consistently make us feel alone is all implausible, thus not tenable in the matters of love. As a deer pants for the stream for water, so does a lovers heart thirst for their beloved and have their hearts move the feet to the house of the beloved especially when we least desire. Love is sacrificial so whoever cannot make the little sacrifices will not make the big ones. Have you seen how those who claim to be busy or tired still find time to watch football matches, go to the saloon to make their hair for long hours, see movies, and still attend parties? Yet, they cannot sacrifice those hours for us.

*      If your partner does all within their wherewithal to scheme ensuring you do not meet his friends or family members as a criminal to avoid getting caught pays keen attention to every detail, that partner is not proud of you. You are just a midnight lover!

*      Where your partner habitually condemns you for the way you look, talk, dress, or acts; that collaborate is ashamed of you. Why stick around like a loin when you are not wanted? After all, they knew how you used to dress, talk, or act before they professed their undying love in the first instance.

*      A partner, who is possessive, is insecure. To be precise, that type of partner has issues of esteem and worth. They will cause more harm than good. Rather than make you a treasure, they will turn you into a slave of their own weak emotions, hurt you, yet come back to claim love and fear of losing you, they will turn you into a punching bag because of the sick love they have for you. It is an attribute of love to be jealous though for God our creator and model described himself as a “jealous God” hence the reason he commands we do not worship another God. There must however be a line drawn so we do not cross to being possessive and try to control the freedom of our partner due to our trust issues.

*      Another vital sign to prove we are in the wrong relationship, which is overlooked y us, is if our friends and family do not like that partner. One thing love does to us is to block our clear sense of judgement and this impedes us from seeing beyond the figments created by our partners to cover their weaknesses. It is crucial to ensure that the opinions of our friends or family are very objective and are strongly unbiased with their standpoints. If their reasons are on physical or financial views, they might be borne out of sentiments. When there is a consensus over our partners’ personality or their past antecedents, then let their caution serve as a leach to draw us back from our sentimental attachments.

*      One is definitely in a wrong relationship if our opinions do not count, our views not respected, and we are in no way consequential to their actions or omissions. Similarly, when matters we hold dear and guard jealously such as our dreams or visions do not interest our partner, then they do not wish to help us grow or be progressive.

*      If our partner is always in the habit of bailing out on us when we need them the most, this is not about financial issues, only to resurface when the water is calm, then you are in the wrong relationship. Relationship is a thing of all weathers: the stormy, rainy, sunny, foggy, or thunderstorms not just about the good times. Come rain, come sunshine, our partners must support and stand by us in all ways that they can.