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Pragmatic, reserved and a deep thinker who loves family, sports especially football where am married to two wives: the first, AC Milan who has my loyalty and the second wife, Manchester United who has all my undying love and pampering, lifestyle and society parties. Need I say the law is more than a profession but a lifestyle for me.

Adekanye Adeyinka Olajide.

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You are here: Home / MARRIAGE AS AN INSTITUTION NOW JUST AN ALTERNATIVE TO THE WEDDING CEREMONY.

MARRIAGE AS AN INSTITUTION NOW JUST AN ALTERNATIVE TO THE WEDDING CEREMONY.

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We cannot toil with the institution of marriage. The decision to marry by anyone is the most imperative. That is why there is the need to at least know that our choice, though never perfect, is one worthy of that decision once we deem ourselves marriageable. This decision by far outweighs any that might rank close for it is a choice to spend the rest of our lives with an individual, which can span well over fifty years thereby outnumbering that spent with our parents whom we spend the other part of our lives.

This is not a writing centred on guiding us on choosing right or how to make our union work when we have made that choice as am sure Goke did a fantastic job on that in “THE CONTRACT” – a guest article on this blog. What this bothers on is which is most important between the appreciation of the institution of MARRIAGE and the ceremony called WEDDING, which usually heralds a union supposedly made forever? It is also a wonder why there is a preference for the ceremony these days over marriage itself and its consequent effect on the institute after the ceremony has been performed.

The vogue among we Africans of late is to insist on celebrating marriages by having an elaborate, much publicised and carnival like wedding ceremony. No one is criticising our choice to celebrate our weddings to the delight of our guests and have it talked about across the world. What is mind-boggling is the zeal by most people who are more concerned about planning and having a successful wedding so much so that little or no time is given to how to make the union, which is the marriage itself a lasting, successful one that is its legacy anyway.

It is no matter for debate that finances are a vital part if not the most integral of building and having a happy home. Money is not everything and there are times we fall short of it, but according to the preacher, who is the wisest, money answers all! Therefore, to have a happy home, at least at the early stage of marriage, a substantial part of it must be readily available to meet basic needs and avoid conflicts, which might become insurmountable. Therefore, where one is not in excess supply of cash, rather than have an ornate wedding, without considerations for the resultant effects of the financial cost, it is advisable to divert such funds into a “marriage trust fund” as it were. This can then be used to secure a standard and comfortable apartment either rented for a period or where in the excess, used to build or purchase a home.

Furthermore, divert some part of it into savings set aside to cater for the children in their early years so that while both parents hustle for funds, or used as back up in cases of sudden job loss, to cater for the family. Many couples spend an improbable amount on renting halls, feeding of guests, renting of limousines and chauffeurs on that august day running into confounding figures. Put such expenditure into good use by starting a project or business. One can also purchase a car to aid movement of the family especially during post and antenatal times when the wife needs mobility without much a do to the clinic rather than stand at bus stops in the sun and rain or jump from motorcycles.

The purpose of marriage is clear: it is the union between two consenting adults to the exclusion of the world. As much as it is a celebration, that purpose must not be defeated. No one can satisfy the mouth of men. Eating your own food will not stop them from eating the next. Therefore, a small gathering of friends and families might just not be out of line. A study of the scriptures carefully reveals only an account of an elaborate wedding. Yet as prepared, as they seemed in the bible, their wine was exhausted and Christ had to come to their rescue. There are no other unions as elaborate as such. Even Solomon in his stupendous wealth never had an account of a wedding ceremony ascribed to him.

Truly, anyone who fails to plan essentially plans to fail. If follows then that those who plan for weddings and not marriage itself, by implication bring an unnecessary strain on that marriage. When needs are not met, many of such marriages crash for lack of stability.

In marriages, the only person we need to make happy and satisfy is our partner. Instead of spending all resources on the masses in a show of exquisite flamboyance, why not purchase a choice wedding gown and suit, have a decent low key or no ceremony at all, from church fly with your partner to a special romantic spot any where in the world giving him/her a treat for honeymoon? Yet return into an already planned lifestyle barring unforeseen circumstances.

- ADEKANYE ADEYINKA OLAJIDE