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Pragmatic, reserved and a deep thinker who loves family, sports especially football where am married to two wives: the first, AC Milan who has my loyalty and the second wife, Manchester United who has all my undying love and pampering, lifestyle and society parties. Need I say the law is more than a profession but a lifestyle for me.

Adekanye Adeyinka Olajide.

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You are here: Home / MOVING ON FROM A BROKEN RELATIONSHIP.

MOVING ON FROM A BROKEN RELATIONSHIP.

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This is the most Herculean task anyone can face. No doubt, it is a yoke burdened with so many minutiae.

Moving on from a broken relationship can be as impossible as living without air. Many times, many of us have spent many years together with the estranged partner so much so that we have built the blocks of our lives on their ground. We have become so entwined; especially through our thoughts and ideologies like a woman with a spiritual husband. Severing ties mostly is like abruptly snapping our lungs out of our body.

In fact, many of us keep the same friends, wear the same clothes like children of a polygamous marriage on a festival day, live together like licensed couples and mingle with each others family like adopted children who just found a foster home. More rampantly in this modern world, our twitter avatar and facebook cover picture bears their faces as if they are our badges like a corrupt Nigerian police officer and are symbol of our identification; constantly flaunting pictures of their edited faces as display pictures and on various gadgets, we use them as our wallpaper or screensavers.

Thus having had a fraternal, craze like love with them, when things go wrong, and our most trusted ally, ever staunch lover, pillar of support and the very one in whom we find validation in; ceases to be any of these. In addition, suddenly becomes irrevocably alienated individuals from us like two parallel lines, we are left with the rude shock that we are all alone. As a result, many of us become evasive and tend to think nothing else is meaningful. With such irreparably broken relationship goes our self-esteem, trust and often times our self-belief.

The question then is how does one move on from a relationship that has taken everything from us and has left us with nothing? How do we pick up ourselves from a relationship that has shattered our hopes, taken our dreams and have pierced through our very existence tilling a dart through our liver and leaving us all alone like one who has just missed the only bus to his destination? Above all, how do we believe more in ourselves and consider us capable of deserving a greater love?

Firstly, let us admit that this is not an easy process and it takes time to heal. However, the good news is we will heal if only we open up to the process.

It is crucial to state that most of the problems encountered in moving on from a broken relationship are the fact that we treat human as God, put our whole trust and reliance on them as if they are the rock of ages. The bible could not have been more apposite in its provisions that “put you not your trust in man” the evocative reason from this is that trusting in man leads to fatal disappointment. No one man has power over his own fate not to mention guaranteeing keeping promises only hoped. Human are weaved to disappoint because it has no influence whatsoever on elements of life such as time. He cannot dictate in his wisdom the outcome of the next minute because his capacity is exhaustible.

A school of thought advocates strongly that every human must be responsible for his or her own actions. Hence, often the cause of this is our lack of self worth. Many indulge in loathsome acts in a bid to keep their relationship; committing various atrocities like abortions severally and investing blindly just to buy over a partner. It becomes impracticable to detach after their partner for not being able to meet up with those demands deserts them.

Another vital reason is our blatant refusal to accept defeat. By this, the innate ability to accept that truncation is a natural phenomenon in life too and as such, failure is not a disaster but a learning curve is what we are insinuating. It is a way of knowing how not to do things in certain ways. As human, we must accept that relationships are like tides and they flow with time. If one does not work, the other will. We only have to keep trying until we find what will work for us. That is why there is always a necessity to stress on the need to have a scale of preference for the type of people we can court – usually the shock absorber that helps us limit the type of people who can hurt us.

We must realise that our validation, gratification, or substance do not rest on what others think of us. We are the master of our life and no human can ever make us complete – that is a role exclusively in God’s jurisdiction. All a man can do is compliment us! Therefore, each time we fail to accept disappointments and move on, we do not just bring into disrepute the essence of our existence, but in our mediocrity question the supremacy, ubiquitous nature, and alpha status of the almighty God. Indeed only God deserves such seamlessly knitted attachment. No man is worthy of such reverence, total submission to and reliance similar to that of a symbiotic nature.

The solution is breaking loose and giving ourselves better opportunities. The key is to realise that the sun is always going to shine even though at present, it appears dark. Leaving that comfort zone is germane and cutting loose of the thoughts that limits our boundless perspective like every one is going to hurt us. That is why we are always stuck. We deserve more than what we are going through. Hence, we must separate ourselves from our sentimental feelings that are so ingrained in us and drop them like a bad habit no matter how tough it is.

 Many of us are familiar with this saying “you cannot touch the same water twice because the flow that has passed will never pass again.” In essence, life is short so enjoy every moment rather than live miserably because of someone who has hurt us and do not make us a priority in their lives. Why must we think we can only be good enough for someone who has dumped us? If truly they were ours, they would not have dumped us like refuse. Let us stop visiting dried rivers for it will never give us water to quench our thirst.

The most ordinary cause of people’s mistakes is their being too much frightened at the present danger. Life is all about difficulties, highs, and lows. It is never a smooth journey. If only we can remove our blindfolds, which we have fastened with adhesive to our eyes, we will see a brighter more rewarding love in someone different. Do not put your self in a stranded position like a lost, hopeless child who is marooned and watch life pass on by us.

As much as we might differ with our point of view, am sure we all we agree that loving and hurting as well as other life phenomenon are attributes of life and living. Am sure as well, that we all know nothing lasts forever, as forever is not promised anyone. It can be inferred therefore that "NEW" is always better than old; no matter how deeply attached we are to an old rickety car, the comfort and confidence a new car gives will never be matched. It is the same theory with broken relationships; there is always something better ahead no matter how hazy it might seem. An African proverb goes by “a man who will be tall will have long legs.” In essence, someone who will end up with the best in life will go through the furnace. However, at the end, we will have learnt who not the “right” one for us is and we will come out better refined and polished.

-ADEKANYE ADEYINKA OLAJIDE.