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Pragmatic, reserved and a deep thinker who loves family, sports especially football where am married to two wives: the first, AC Milan who has my loyalty and the second wife, Manchester United who has all my undying love and pampering, lifestyle and society parties. Need I say the law is more than a profession but a lifestyle for me.

Adekanye Adeyinka Olajide.

I do it for me

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You are here: Home / ABELEJAYAN



It is almost a norm these days that people will without hesitation jump at playing second fiddle in its entire corollary. Some of us now in fact find living a fabricated way of life which is aggrandised into a fantasy very alluring. We take comfort in justifying our actions, inactions, and choices from circumstances, which have compelled us into making those intrepid decisions, and now begin to simulate that circumstance or condition as if it were ideal.

The new trend seems to be our will to succumb to second place; but that is not the baffling thing. The real issue is when we are privy to the information that we are nothing but an option or better still, we are just a choice in place of the real owner. Moreover, we are fully conversant with the consequences of this, which is that we never will be the main stay; neither can we be the rightful beneficiary of whatever we might be hinging on. Although we can lay, claim and have some form of stake in that which is of interest, my submission is that we will never be the full owner and enjoy all the rights, interests and benefits that accrue from that.

Let us take for instance a scenario where one is just a job employee and then assumes such interests as if the job were ours; wanting remotely all responsibilities that comes with such position. Is it not obvious that details of how the talents that he had left in the care of his servants had been expended like the proverbial master who returned, such person also will account to the true owner and in the real sense, is just an “ABELEJAYAN?”

Do not get it wrong though good people; I am not in anyway opining that we do the work of others with such recklessness or with the motive to destroy. In fact, I advocate rather strongly that we work in whatever service demanded of us most diligently and with a keen dedication similar to that of a hungry lion on a hunt. What am saying is articulated in the Yoruba proverb, which says, “no matter how much a thing might belong to both father and son, there still is always a line drawn to differentiate?” It follows therefore: that what we do not own, we cannot act as if we bear the seal on it. Above all, we should not indulge in the habit of trying to usurp the true owner by trying to stab them from behind and take what belongs to them!

It is more unbridled these, to find single individuals who indulge in the act of having a serious affair with a married individual. I do not attempt whatsoever at commenting on the morality of this. What is the thorny problem however is why anyone will brazenly hold on to the property of another knowing fully well that that person will not and can never be theirs in all totality.

Permit me to digress a little and do a small definition of marriage in biblical and legal term, which defines it as the union between a man and woman coming together in all tributaries to becoming one. Forget that some societal laws now define it as union: between two consenting adults is it between man and woman, or woman and woman, or man and man. The bible however sticks a burly caveat “what God has joined together, let no man out asunder.” Hence, is it not worrying to think what anyone will stand to gain by being with a married man and be tagged the asunder?

Forget all the flimsy excuses given by those who engage in such noxious act; such as they are the only ones who can love them rightly; some even say we cannot fathom the maturity of a married person as they understand and appreciate them perfectly. To some, it is the financial gains they get that has blinded their nebulous thoughts to justify their acts; the expensive gifts, frequently sponsored trips to Abu Dhabi, luxurious cars and fat bank accounts they get in turn for servicing  these married people that stimulates their decision to be an “ABELEJAYAN.”

I find no better way to comprehend their roles. Regardless of the amount of love gotten from these married individuals, they always return home to their families while they cuddle their pillow. Even those who have been lucky to end up as second wives, are still nothing but an option because no matter how much they may be pampered or spoilt, the law only recognises a legally married wife and deems any other party as a perfidy, intruder and the one who puts asunder what is both spiritually and legally bonded into one. I have seen and heard stories of many who even get to bear children for married people eventually thrown out of the house and have all given taken from them at the long run. Which then leads to many battles to reclaim their spot and hold everything against the rightful owners despite being the true cause of the problem? Now I understand what Niccolo Machiavelli meant when he said, “For the wounds and every other evil that men inflict upon themselves spontaneously, and of their own choices, are in the long run less painful than those inflicted by others.” So why be an “ABELEJAYAN” when you can find and hook your own fish and become the sole proprietor over it?

Another painful situation is that of those who innocently assume the role of an “ABELEJAYAN” with utmost naivety. To me, this is the most affected sufferers of such ill fate. They are the ones who might never even know of this situation during their lifetime except some divine circumstances arises bringing about a need for compelling that the secrets which ordinarily would have been forever kept is revealed to a devastating effect.

Many who suffer this type of fate are usually the men. Not out of foolishness or deliberate ignorance, but it is out of the clandestine nature of the women folks. This terrible situation arises when a man fosters the children of another believing such children to be rightfully his and made out of his flesh and blood. Whereas, unknown to him, the children he calls his are actually brought home by his wife who deceives him by scheming the event so masterfully, there are no pointers to give room for suspicion.

You will agree with me that such men will never know except a need arises to reveal such like the one I once heard of where the child fell ill and he needed only the blood of his father. Upon donating, the blood did not match. Questions asked, the conduction of a DNA test ensured, and it was discovered that the child was not his. This compelled the man to insist on having similar tests on his other two children and sadly, they were not his as well. The rest they say is history.

How ever, some women act out of desperation after experiencing fatal fates as inability to bear children. They then feign pregnancy only to adopt. At the end, when such child needs medical help that only the mother can render, confusion erupts!

There are also “ABELEJAYAN’S” even in relationships. We know clearly that a person is committed and dedicated utterly to another. Yet, we accept to share and are a substitute.

May God deliver us oh! In addition, give us the spirit to resist the role of an “ABELEJAYAN.”

By the way, “ABELEJAYAN” is a Yoruba local parlance, which according to me is in three parts. Fist is the fish itself, and then secondly is the owner of the fish in question, thirdly and finally, is the one who roasts the fish and obviously puts it in a better state only for the fish owner to reclaim his fish. The fish roaster is the “ABELEJAYAN.”