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Pragmatic, reserved and a deep thinker who loves family, sports especially football where am married to two wives: the first, AC Milan who has my loyalty and the second wife, Manchester United who has all my undying love and pampering, lifestyle and society parties. Need I say the law is more than a profession but a lifestyle for me.

Adekanye Adeyinka Olajide.

I do it for me

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Honestly, I for one am tired of seeing wives at loggerhead with mother-in-laws. It is exasperating to see the two most important women in the lives of us men at each others throat. The problem for me seems to be as a result of the misconception by our wives; who seem to undermine their place in our hearts, which usually starts during courtship. Many wives start developing animosity towards their mother-in-laws right from their relationship days.

This tension can be dowsed if only wives could fathom the role of mothers in the lives of their men and equally decipher the love that exists between them knowing that it is not to be compared with that which is shared between couples. Mothers have an incomprehensible love for their children – male or female. There is this indescribable bond and sense of responsibility felt as owed to her child. A mother will sacrifice her own life just to have her child live through it. The heart of a mother beats for her child and will lose it all for them; that is why a mother will resent herself if she ever lets her child down. What else would you expect from a woman who carries a child for nine months and then through that racking pain of labour.

I am befuddled as to why wives will despise their mother-in-law for the love she shares for her son and then tag him “mama’s boy”. These same wives go to seek for pieces of advice on how to run their matrimonial home from their own mothers. They depend so much on their own mother’s that they cannot function without them. Are they actually not “mama’s girl”? Yet it is an offence for their husband’s to talk to their own mother. Their will not be a rivalry so fierce if only it is realised that there is no competition between them.

I find it very funny that the wives do all in their means to severe ties between mother and son yet do all in their wherewithal to build up ties with their own mother. That is the main reason why they virtually take possession of the house by bringing their own family members to reside with them. A classic example is during childbirth and after; it is their own mother that is allowed to stay to care for the baby. The wife alienates the family of her husband completely and any attempt by them to stake their claim results in bitter events.

It is revealed that a woman who shows this kind of odd behaviour lacks belief in her self and trust in the love she shares with her husband. Only a weakling and an insecure lady will perceive any show of love from the mother as an attempt to oust her. Women guilty of this vile, are also mostly the lazy type and in other to hide their incompetence from the family of her husband, she belt-tightens the husband off completely from his family. Hence, she would hallucinate that all discussions are centred on her. Any attempt to draw her close by the mother-in-law will be deemed as one to ridicule her. In fact, most wives not only wish their mother-in-law dead; some instigate circumstances that will cause her demise.

Many a time, I have seen wives resist their mother-in-law so vehemently to the point that they do not even want them in their man’s car. Some go as far as starving her whenever she visits; all in a bid to pass strong message that she is not welcome. But you see the same wives going to their own village to pick their mother up when she is coming to visit.

I do not attempt to paint mother-in-laws as perfect or lacking culpability as I understand some are domineering on their sons and try to control everything about them. However, this is not a reason to consider her a bitter rival. Trust me not every decision taken by your husband originated from his mother. If you continue to choke your husband’s family and he realises that you hate his people, he will gradually begin to begrudge you and do things without informing you about it. Eventually, you lose the man you so jealously protect.

Rather than see her as an enemy, why not integrate her into your family as well? It is only a jobless forlorn mother-in-law that will abandon her own affairs in other to run yours. Yes she will want to spend time with her child; in fact sometimes, she would want to cook him his special meals - indulge her! She will accept you with open arms and the secrets of your husband you have struggled to crack will be revealed effortlessly. She will see you as her own daughter too. It is in the Qur'an that paradise is under feet of mothers. So honour them.

Ultimately, the blame falls at the feet of us men mostly because we fail to let our wives know the distinction between our loves for our mothers by ensuring there is a vivid distinction from it to that of our new family, which is done not with mere words but by constantly proving it in our actions. If men, can be firm and make clear that once married, the wife is his priority but also his mum is a part of his life that he can not expunge like it were a thing all because of marriage, women will be more receptive and realise there are no basis to weigh against each other at the first instance.