TRAUMATIZED.

I met my husband when I was 20, though I had been involved with a few other men before him, I had never been in love with anyone else. There was nothing concrete between us until 3 years after. We subsequently courted for another 3 years. I was attracted to him though he is not the usual tall type; he looks strikingly handsome to me. All I thought of was him; since we met, my life never remained the same. He looked out for me although he was not as rich as I was as a young lady – I had the option to ride in my parents choice cars while he had volks wagen – so he could not take me to Paris as my parents will, but I sure loved my baby. I was so sure I had found it all when I found him.

He finally proposed to me after a year. I could not hesitate: I said yes. Our marriage was all over the pages of newspaper courtesy of my parents. It was my dream wedding, the talk of the town. We had two car gifts among other valuables we received.

Everything was perfect until I got pregnant. Then the man I married turned into a monster overnight. Love no longer lived in my home; I became a stranger in my own house. He would go out without notice, come back late at night. He had this aloofness about him; he no longer cared. My husband would not even help me with anything in the house. All the house chores were on me even right after birth, I still had to cook his meals else there was trouble. He stopped communicating with me. I was disconcerted when he came home one day and notified me in passing he had resigned from work. Stunned is an understatement of how I felt on this unilateral decision. Things got tough as I had to joggle different jobs, shoulder all responsibilities, yet manage the home front while he largesse in an extravagant life. Things deteriorated so badly between us during my second pregnancy as I had to go for my antenatal treatments all by myself. He just would not bother neither about the imminent birth of our coming child, or the one at home.

This is heartbreak, deeply based for me. Now I regret the day I said yes; all am left with are pictures of the good memories we once had. My man transformed totally. The sad thing is he is so impenitent. I cant even fathom him anymore. This man does not even care about his own kids; he will not even change diapers for his own kids and if peradventure, they pee on the rug, I had to scrub off with a disinfectant. Of course it is normal to do that but the way he reacted with such fury; made me feel he despises his own children. He paid no iota of attention to us – his immediate family, lacked any kind of concern. Has no love for us and now I feel so used; it is like am a slave to him, as if his reasons for marriage was to use me to satisfy his needs and immediate desires.

The more distressing for me is his lack of love for his kids. I remember coming home from work after a stressful day only to meet my first son crying with our maid; ostensibly, he had fractured his arm after falling. I was alarmed and asked why they had not called their dad. The maid said he had been informed and he said he was going to send someone to check up on them. Common! This is your own son I thought to my self. I drove him down to the clinic like a lunatic; thank God I did not hit anyone as I manoeuvred at the roundabout.

I cannot even count it all. Is it how he treats my family now with total contempt I want to mention or how he has become so insecure when he sees me with other men? That time, he acts like am his property being intruded upon. Oh jeez, I cannot forgive him for the way his family treated my family at one of their parties. It was a mammoth celebration of one of his brothers and they had negligently failed to provide adequate accommodation for my folks despite promising a room had been reserved for them at a choice hotel. My parents were not taken to the room until late. They moved round hotels to finding a room to no avail. Oh don’t ask me, about me. Provisions were not made for my children and me.

Honestly, I am traumatized. This man takes the air out of my lungs. I never thought love will give me the most pain in my life – now what I cry in a day is more than the raindrops you will ever get in a month. I do not know whether I should become “#Ray Charles” to all these sufferings. My estranged husband literally leaves me out to dry and acts like everything is perfect. Can he not see that my Achilles heel is love? I do not get enough of it. I want the man I used to know back not this devil that has taken over his soul and feeds on him as his host. I know my husband is still in there; but caged!

I just want a divorce. But then, I am too scared what the society will think of me. Most importantly, am worried for my two lovely sons – I don’t want them to grow without a father, nor become the man their father, my husband has become.

Please save me! What would you have me do? I am left stranded in my nightmares as I have been killing my self by trying to heal this broken marriage.

- ADEKANYE ADEYINKA OLAJIDE.