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Pragmatic, reserved and a deep thinker who loves family, sports especially football where am married to two wives: the first, AC Milan who has my loyalty and the second wife, Manchester United who has all my undying love and pampering, lifestyle and society parties. Need I say the law is more than a profession but a lifestyle for me.

Adekanye Adeyinka Olajide.

I do it for me

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Today, Kafi and I got talking on a lot of issues as there was lots of catching up to do due to not haven seen in a long while. An issue remained the core of our discussion; the place of sex in relationships, hence generating much argument and deliberations. For according to her, it is a misplaced priority among young unmarried adults in the modern world. I must confess, she is right! This provoked my thoughts and made me write on it.

It is clearly stated in the holy scriptures that sex is an item exclusive for marriage and adultery or pre marital sex is an abhorrence. But in today's world, it seems to be only in the book that such doctrine exists. Almost all young unmarried individuals be it aged or underage is involved in sex. I know it is a far more complicated world with highly opinionated people and a free will to do whatsoever anyone pleases. But the bone of contention here is should sex be the basis for any relationship? Should it be a main reason to have an affair? Are we right to make it a precondition to loving anyone?

For me the answer is NO. No one should compel the other to show his/her undying love through sex. This is what in fact has killed courtship and dating processes. We all now want what is meant to be had at the end right from the beginning. Men especially are often guilty of this as we do all sort of things just to bed a girl you claim to love with the slightest opportunity we get and put all kind of pressure on the ladies. I know this is no excuse for the ladies to concur to such flagrant positions, but it seems to be the new order of things and girls now seem to just find the "worthy man" deserving of it even if the relationship fails at the end which usually does most times.

Back then, the thrills and frills of love was the suspense, the excitement of looking forward to bear it all, to labour completely to win the heart and earn the right to own the body after marriage. Indeed, it is customary to make love to your wife on the first night with a white clothe and reveal to the world after with blood stains that you married a complete woman. It usually is ecstatic to know your wife chose to keep herself so she can give you her best.

Truly where has the love, friendship, and comfort in the company of the beloved gone without sentimental or selfish attachments? Why has it become almost impossible to enjoy a good laugh, an innocent touch and kiss without a desire to lust? Is it not all outrageous that we can't seem to get a hold of our sexual organs and control it that all we desire now is sex and endless rounds of it? The ridiculous thing is once the lady succumbs, chances of faithfulness are a fraction of the presence of the partner. Why has it not been clear to us that what is revealed and owned is no longer wanted nor desired? Gradually, you wear each other out, get frustrated with more demands you can't keep up with and finally lose out on all you've invested and walk away broken and used since there are no marital vows to bind you two!

There is no doubt that we all play a major role in this as ladies also dress in despicable ways, visit different men at random unguarded and alone, demanding and asking for things near impossible to get for them, spending long hours with men thereby giving room for insinuating different motives even when none is mustered. More pertinently, the men think if they don't eventually make love to them, someone else will and they will be taken the fool. But I ask again must we conform to the new order of going against nature and follow trend?

Good people, it is not sex that will make a man or woman stay in your life or want to be a part of your world neither is it money or mere love. It is the sincerity and commitment together with integrity of you as an individual to uphold your words to stay by your partner no matter what loving them through their flaws. And the truth is a man who gives such conditions has esteem issues. Similarly, a woman who succumbs, is insecure, lacks value and dignity. After all, we are all beautifully and wonderfully made and your gratification or essence is not attached to the value people place on you!

As Kafi asked me: what if you marry and have all the sex in the world with your wife and can't get her pregnant with the incapacity yours, what then will be your reason to ask her to say since sex has always been your sole basis for love or when she can't bare you a child no more after several abortions done for you. Hence, don't just plug for play.

I'd like to end leaving thoughts in out heart to put your acts together and act right doing all the good you can barring all conditions because indeed all that we do; is done for the good of ourselves!

- Adekanye Adeyinka Olajide